Birth- In Pictures

Birth

I first started feeling contractions around 5pm. I had just woke up from a nap. They were stronger than any I had had before and after the third one I decided it was time to start letting Jake know every time I had one. He started writing them down in his notebook. They came every 7-11 minutes. At 5:45 we were going to leave to take the girls to VBS but I decided that we probably shouldn't just in case I really was in labor. We decided instead to head to Walmart to pick up a few things and get my blood pressure checked. After Walmart shopping was done it was around 7 and we decided that as soon as we arrived home we would call the midwives. I called Sara( good friend and birth photographer) to let her know(she had an hour drive) and had her contact another good friend and doula, Jess.
A little before 8 things started to pick up pace, the contractions were every 2-5 minutes apart. Jess and Sara arrived a little after 8, I tried giving Jess a tour of the house but only got half-way down the hallway. I let everyone know that IF I had been in a hospital I would be asking for pain medication. We had been told to call Laurie(midwife) when we thought we wanted someone there, so we did. I wanted to take a bath or shower but had trouble deciding. Jess started getting a bath ready and I climbed into it around 8:30.
Laurie arrived soon after followed by Amanda(midwife) both while I was in the tub. Laurie checked the baby's heart rate and my blood pressure(which had dropped considerably since my last appointment). The tub was awesome. I was able to relax a lot in between contractions and breathing through the contractions was easier, I think I really learned how I should breathe in the tub and focused on making sure I kept breathing like that when I got out of the tub. I remember Micah coming in to see how I was. They checked the baby's heart rate once more before I got out of the tub at 9:16 to try and pee.
With every contraction I was on my knees. For awhile I stayed in the bathroom and leaned over the tub with every contraction. At 9:30 I moved into our bedroom and starting kneeling beside the bed and leaning on it when the contractions came. Nathaniel brought in some trucks and cars and put them on the bed by me. At that time I noticed Patrice(midwife) was there.
They checked the baby's heart rate three more times before it was all over but I don't remember it.
After every contraction I said I couldn't do it any longer and asked my midwives if they knew how much longer I had. They reassured me that my body was working perfectly. I really wanted to know if I was there yet but I'm glad they encouraged me to work with my body instead of checking to see how dilated I was.
I starting feeling pushy during the contractions and began to bare down with them. My water broke at 10. At 10:04 the head was inside by just a knuckle. The midwives put some warm compresses and olive oil on my bottom area.
At 10:05 I started pushing the head out, trying to breathe through them and gently push the head out so I wouldn't tear(which I didn't, there's a first time for everything- episiotomy with first, tore with second and third)
At 10:08 the babies head was out, I reached down and felt it-amazing. There was an amazingly clear headed moment between pushing the head out and pushing the rest of her body out. In that moment I was able to touch her head then totally relax. I don't remember feeling any pain at all at that time.
With the next contraction at 10:09 I pushed the rest of her out and everyone helped put her up into my arms. Then I sat birthing stool that they put behind me. The kids were called in at 10:13 to see their new sister. I held her in my arms while I pushed the placenta out(which hurt way less than my previous hospital births where the nurse pushes on your belly until your uterus contractions again and you painfully push the placenta out).
At 10:27 Jake cut the cord. It was the first time I was able to see my baby's cord being cut. I then moved into our bed and started feeding our little girl. They kids climbed into bed with me and admired their little sister.
My mom soon arrived and we then had the midwives take a more thorough check of the baby. She weighed 4lbs 11oz... so tiny!
The midwives left at 12:20am and Jess and Sara left soon after. Jake and my mom helped get the kids to bed and that was it!
It is still unbelievable that it all happened but her being here is the proof.
Everything was all and more than I had hoped for. I am so happy that I got to the point of my life where I would think of choosing home birth as an option. If we have one more- like we hope- I will absolutely go this route again.

Quick Update

Zoe Abigail Anne
Born 8/3/11
10:09 pm
At home
Weighed 4 lbs 11 oz
18 inches long
Head circumference 11 inches

No complications
Second day of life nursing like a pro, sleeping well and being the cutest little thing possible

More to come..

Baby?

If you are reading this, please don't post anything on my Facebook.
I've been having contractions for the past 2 1/2 hours and they keep on getting more intense. We've contacted the midwives who are now waiting to see if the contractions continue. Good news! We might have a baby tonight.

There's some pressure on my blood...

140/90 Low end of stage 1 Hypertension
I've been sent home to eat some protein and hope that it lowers or at least doesn't rise. No swelling. Trace of protein in my urine. Other than that baby's heartbeat is great, it increases after we move the baby a little(good). My belly measurements increased an inch from last time so no worry about the baby not growing.
My next appointment is in a week or earlier if I want. I'm going to go to Walmart maybe every other day to check on my blood pressure just to keep track of it. I'm really hoping we give birth soon.

Low Rider

100 % sure this baby has dropped. Last anointment I measured smaller than my appointment before. Pretty sure baby didn't shrink. I had prior had a feeling babe had dropped so that was a confirmation. Today I am really feeling it! Last night I think I got up 20 times to pee. We are heading back to the midwife's this morning for another prenatal and I'll let you all know how that goes. 38 weeks already. I really wasn't sure if I would make it this far with N's pre-eclampsia scare. My blood pressure was borderline high at my last appointment 140/80. I measured it at Walmart Sunday night and it was 126/71. Like the measurements I'll let you in on how it is today. I hardly have any swelling which is really abnormal for my pregnancies, usually I have more than the minimal that I have now. I did take my wedding ring off, it was getting a little snug. I'll let you know how things go today!

Heartburn

So ladies we are about to test out that old theory that lots of heartburn during your pregnancy causes your newborn to be born with a full head of hair. I have experienced the least amount of heartburn with my pregnancy, other pregnancies have been plagued with heartburn, my first being the worst, resulting in my first born having the fullest head of hair of all my newborns. With each of my pregnancies my heartburn has decreased and so has the amount of hair my newborns are born with. So will this child be bald? My lack of heartburn may be an indication of that. I guess we will need to wait and see.

Geez!

So I successfully passed my guess date. This morning I'm thinking
" who am I to even consider myself likely to go into early labor?" seriously, why do I think I will go early? M was in-between the two due dates the doctors had given me and N was induced so in my mind that fact that we gave birth early doesn't count. L was the only one I went early with. What am I doing thinking I'll go early!!!!
also, " you wouldn't know labor if it hit you right across the side of your head" scary and maybe true. I've only gone into labor once. That was over 6 years ago with L. I clearly remember knowing it was the real thing. This is the first child I've had so many "practice" contractions with and periods of 5 or 6 of them in a short period of time. But I'm not one to call wolf so I have not thought much when they are happening, just maybe a glance at the time or count how many I have just in case they become more painful. It makes a difference that the midwives are going to take an hour to arrive on the scene. One thing that has not changed with my labors in the time it takes. Longest was the induction at 11-12 hours long but obviously that wasn't all "real" labor. With the girls, M was 9 hours and that was from the time they broke my water fully(there was no pattern of contractions before then) and birth. L was the shortest, going into labor on my own until birth was 7 hours. All of these were in the bed labors. I've heard that moving around speeds things up and that's what's happening this time. I'm not sure that's really what I want. I'm incredibly wanting to have this baby but to be honest I am a little scared. This whole experience is new to me. Maybe it does need to happen fast so I don't have time to think about it.

July 28

This is my guest date.
I love it because it's easy to remember 7/11. 28 being my birthdate. The 28th is also my best friend's son's birthday, my uncle's birthday, cousin's birthday and great-aunt's birthday. So IF this baby was born today, they sure would fit right in. Don't know if it's going to happen but we do still have time for the frightening three hour labor that might happen. I do feel miserable. Lots of pelvic pressure when I'm up and moving and sitting just doesn't feel right either. I could guess that it's going to happen soon but what exactly is soon? Until then I plan on sitting with a fan blowing on me and trying to relax. The good thing is the guests leave tomorrow, making me able to put the little things that are out of order back in order. If a doctor offered me an induction- I might take it. Good thing I've been there. Done that. And this time I'm walking along a different road.

One Day Closer

With each passing day,
even though I'm tired of the state I'm in and
I'm wishing and longing
for the day I can see your face
and hold you next to my beating heart.
I'm reminded how important it is for us to make it one more day,
in the state we are currently in.
You are safely growing,
And there is no need for you to rush to come join us.
So just stay put my little one
until it's YOUR time.
I'll wait for you to come.

Almost There

This weekend marks the beginning of my 37 week. I'm getting tired of this whole being pregnant thing for sure. The weather this week has not helped nor the fact that we are without air conditioning. But I did actually get a lot accomplished this week. Our room is ready, the kids rooms are cleaned and organized and I remind them at least twice a day to clean up after themselves. Our play/family room upstairs just got cleaned today... almost all of the toys organized(I have one more bin to go through), a box of stuff for a future rummage sale or goodwill, furniture moved around and it looks really nice. My craft room is next but really if I don't get around to it it is not a big deal. I found all of the baby stuff... Receiving blankets that were missing, slings and wraps that were missing, everything was found and put where I know where they are when I need them.
We bought our new car seat, did you know car seats expire? It is really cute. I kind of thought we needed a new one, our old one we bought over 6 years ago before M was born and has gone through 3 children. I thought that since we are going to try and have at least one more after this one that we should buy one now so it goes through two kids. I didn't check the old car seat's until after we bought the new one but sure enough it had expired December 2010, go me!
We might have both the downstairs shower and our master bedroom bathtub fixed by the end of this weekend. This will be super sweet because then guests can shower downstairs and I can get that downstairs bathroom a tad bit cleaner before the baby comes. Also I won't have to walk in the hallway between the upstairs bathroom and our room when I'm in labor because I can just use our master bathroom tub and shower. I'm so excited.
Other than all that I have been super moody, I feel sorry for my sweet kids because their mother(me) has not been calm, cool and collected this week, at all. Maybe once all this stuff is done I can just lay here in bed and do nothing until labor starts?
Oh and we have decided not to take the trip to Ludington, which means I might have family staying here with us next week, which means I might have to inform my mom of the home birth. I am not excited about that, at all. But we are thinking it's better to tell her before I'm in labor so she knows what is going on and knows all of our wishes. Does that make since?
The girls are crazy excited. M is convinced that the midwives would make it and that she will need to be the doctor. She has a basket with a blanket for the baby and an oven mit. The oven mit is for L because L has been volunteered to catch the baby and the baby is going to be covered in "yucky stuff" actually I have been informed that we need one more oven mit so they have one for each hand. M wants to cut the cord, too. She is quite demandin

Humidity & Nesting

I've decided that this weather hates me. I have an enormous amount of energy but today it hit 90 degrees with a heat index of over 100 and the humidity is going to reach 95% tonight. We have zero air conditioning and a upstairs where all the bedrooms are and all the work that I want to do needs to be done. I got the girls room cleaned and moved around last night. Today I tried to spend most of the day downstairs washing/drying/folding clothes. I washed all of the sheets and blankets from our beds and all of the newborn and 0-3 month baby clothes. Tomorrow I need to prep the diapers some more. I moved the furniture around in our room, found a plastic 3--drawer thing to but the baby's clothes in. I have the arms reach bassinet next to our bed and moved our hope chest(J actually did the moving) upstairs to our room so I could put all our blankets in it. Little N's closet is better organized, some of the baby's clothes will be stored in there. I still need to set up the pack n play downstairs.
The girls are in baby watch mode. Both have told me to let them know if I start to hurt because then the baby's coming. They helped me put the plastic sheet on our bed last night so I roughly explained to them about my "water" breaking and what that meant. M wants to help cut the cord. L wants to hold the baby only if it is a girl, not a boy. One brother is enough for her, I guess. M has a bunch of supplies set aside in her closet just in case the midwives can't make it, including a basket and a blanket. They have asked me if the baby comes out with clothes on or not.
They have both seen me wash baby clothes and probably know by know what we think we are having.. I try and play it off as nothing. Please don't call my house asking them what baby clothes I am washing.
Here are the stats. With N I would have already had him. L I had at 37 weeks 5 days. Which is in a week and a day. M had a couple days after her due date. Which would be in 3 weeks and 4 days.
But back to the weather. I told J he needs to find me a window air conditioning unit. I hope he does. This weather is suppose to stay in the 90's all this week. Yucky. I just hope the humidity goes down.

Um.. Yeah

Whew!
Four more weeks to go....watch out. It will be funny(is that the right word?) if I hit or surpass my due date. But if I do, I'll have a lot more time to prepare... time is something I don't mind having.
This week was a little exhausting, emotionally more than physically. My wonderful husband was at camp and there was a lot of miscommunication leading into confusion over the logistics of everything. Like when he was going to stay home with us and when he was going to be gone. I had a couple of pregnant lady tantrums or meltdowns directed towards him. Sorry hunny.
The kids were great. M pampered me at times, randomly bringing me glasses of water to drink and L would randomly tell me she loved me. Am I that transparent with my emotions? Yes. I am.
But we made it through. J is due home in a couple hours and we are heading off to the fair after that.
Week after week this all is becoming more real. The girls are ultra excited. I'm a little worried about N adjusting to it all, but at least he'll be able to sit on my lap again.
36 weeks done. The countdown begins.

Supplies

Ordered my birth kit in the mail late last week and it arrived today. I have yet to ventured into opening it. It might be better to keep it all contained in the box(otherwise the kids might litter it all over the house). I was also reminded by the midwives of another list of things I should have set aside for the birth, like towels, clothes I want to wear afterwards, clothes for the baby, extra sheets for the bed.. you know, those sort of things. So, once my hubby is back in town, I plan on taking a shopping trip, buying anything I need to buy, then setting all of this aside so it will be good and ready for birth time. Also, our vacation to Ludington keeps on getting pushed back. We will now be heading up there when I am 37 weeks and a few days along.
This scares me a little. N was induced at 36 wks. I don't count that as normal. But L was normal labor at 37 wks 5 days. I talked to the midwives and informed them that I would be away. The great thing is that Ludington is only 1 hour away from our house and the midwives are 1 hour away from our house. So my plan is.. if I happen to go into labor on vacation, I'll call them and we can all meet an hour away at our house. They seem a ok with this set up, even telling me stories of births in Walmart parking lots, hotels, motels, cabins in the woods, whereever and whenever the babe is ready to come out, they are willing to be there for the blessed event. I feel confident that it will all work out. My labors have been short in the past but not 1-2 hour short. I should at least make it in my door or in my driveway before I need to push-at least that's what I'm praying for. Hopefully we can just have a real nice relaxing vacation then come home and go into labor the next day or something.
Talk about planning. But this next week I have to get it all in order.
Birth first.
House second.
Pack for vacation.
Vacation over.
Baby.
That's what I'm talking about.

Love Me Some Photos

A really good friend of ours volunteered to take some photos of us while I was still pregnant. Here are some of the results. I made the big mistake of letting N skip out of his nap, which equaled a really grumpy two year old boy who absolutely refused to sit still to have his picture taken with us. He could not even be bribed. The only thing he wanted to do was see the pictures in the camera after they had been shot. "I see it! I see it!" Anyway, I was not thinking at all and should have fought with him a little more to get him to nap. So the family shots didn't turn out so well.. but we got a bunch of other shots that I think are real good. Thanks Sara!!

I like this last one because it shows the hugeness of my belly.

We have four more weeks for it to grow even larger.

Exhausted at 35 Weeks

Ok.. so officially I'm not 35 weeks.

But tomorrow I will be!

We just arrived home from five days in Grand Rapids. It was a week without the girls(they stayed at my parent's house). It was a week of getting up at 6 or 7 and going to bed at 11 or 12. Our days were packed full of activities and we walked... a lot. Now I know that if this conference had been scheduled when I was going on 37 or 38 weeks then I absolutely would be in labor right now. We when arrived home last night I could hardly function. Overwhelmed by the house not being in order, loads upon loads of laundry, dishes that needed to be washed, unpacking to be done, new school curriculum begging to be looked at, new photos dying to be displayed on the wall and not feeling or noticing the baby moving the normal amount of movements that a pregnant mother should feel in a day, hour, minute.... I broke down.

Then composed myself enough to sit in a chair until I felt the little one move.

Then made dinner.

Then directed the children to pajamas, toothpaste, toothbrushes, bed, songs with their daddy and I climbed in bed....begging everyone to please come talk to me if they needed something...

I was not getting up, I was stuck.... there.

I could not,

would not,

function,

anymore.

Today I feel better.

Baby is moving normally.

Half of the laundry is washed yet not put away.

Some bags are unpacked.

I've moved baby stuff around. I don't know if you know but the U.S. has come out with stricker guidelines for cribs. They will no longer sell cribs with drop-side rails because they have been deemed unsafe. We have a drop-side crib, that has made it through three kiddos. I already have it set up in my arts/craft/school room. But I have now decided to take it down and temporary store it in the garage. I figure the baby can move into either the girls room or the boys room when the baby no longer is sleeping in our room, which may be awhile. Until then I need to get the other room more organized and since we will probably buy a new crib, eventually, it does not need to be taking up the space it is taking up. So new crib goes on the list for baby stuff. We also need a new carseat and then 2 more diaper covers and maybe some more prefolds. I think I have enough clothes. So there it is! Crazy busy, trying to get stuff done while I have J here.

Pray for me.. he will be gone all day, almost everyday, next week.

Six Weeks?

I'll be 34 weeks tomorrow.

Do I really have only six more weeks left?

That is not a lot of time. Sad thing is I feel like I don't have the time to do a lot of what I would like to do. Like SEW!

We had a appointment with our Midwife this week. It went really well. It just makes you at ease sitting and talking with someone who has witnessed more than 1,000 births, less than 10% of those being at a hospital, the rest being at home. You can tell she really cares A LOT about women and birthing and that she has your best interest at heart. I can truly say I never felt that way around the doctors I had with my previous births. One of the great things about giving birth at home is the care that you receive. These women come to your house and spend your labor with you. There is no "changing of the guard" like the nurses in the hospital(who by the way, you have NEVER met). You develop a relationship with the women who will be there to help you through. It is great. J and I were talking about what we are looking forward too this birth.. something we never talked about for our previous births. My main thing is the comfort of being in my own house, laboring in my own clothes(or no clothes), sleeping in my own bed(I absolutely love my bed), not having the hassle of coming home from the hospital or packing a bag to go to the hospital. I don't have to worry about being away from my other kids and the fact that they couldn't come see us if we were at the hospital(hospital policy that no one under 12 is allowed into the birthing center). I am really looking forward to it.

So I thought that July 28th would be a good date for the baby to come but now I am re-thinking it. As much as I love that date, I really need that whole week to relax. We are planning on taking a trip to Ludington and I want to make the most of it. I know that you really can't "plan" things like natural labor. It just happens. But it would be nice to have that whole week. August 1 is nice? Or the 4th was my Grandpa's birthday. I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Another thing I determined was that I will let you know what the ultrasound said we are having(because you know ultrasounds have been wrong before) on August 14, if I get that far. Does that sound fair?

Also, first news of anything will be posted here. Not Facebook. I am even banning J from it. I will probably block everyone from posting on my wall until I'm really to announce it officially. If I can get J to block his wall then I will. I just feel it will be better that way.

Are you excited? I am.

33

I am 33 weeks and a random amount of days.

I am a little more prepared this week. The Arm's Reach Bassinet is set up in our room, waiting for the baby to arrive. J was AMAZING this week and found all of our missing baby blankets in a box, in the corner of the crawl space of his parents house. I thought that they had somehow been donated to Salvation Army or Goodwill we have looked for them on numerous occasions and they have not been found until now.

I went shopping at JoAnn Fabrics this week for material to make a baby quilt and bumper pads for the crib but could not find the fabric I was looking for. I did however get a photo album for scrap booking. One for little N and one for the new baby.

Stuff is falling into place.

This is week is one of our weeks at home and then we have another week away. We will be in Grand Rapids for a conference. I am hoping to find a fabric store somewhere and buy the fabric for a quilt and maybe a Babies R Us because something else we need is a new carseat, our old one is for sure expired.

Less than 7 weeks away!

Easy

After giving birth to my first child, I longed for the day I would have both a boy and a girl. After that, I thought if I would have another child, we would not find out if it was a boy or a girl, I really wanted it to be a surprise.

Well, we are kind of doing that. With no one else, including our children and immediate family being "in" on the secret, it makes getting "prepared" a little more difficult. Although I have both boy and girl clothes available, it is hard to get them washed and put away, ready for when the baby arrives. I find my self doing it "undercover". I'm not telling you where all the washed and ready baby clothes are. That's a secret too. It is great though to feel 100% prepared clothing wise for this little one. I do, desperately want to buy a few new things. I plan on fabric shopping this week so I can make a bumper pad, baby quilt, dust ruffle, burp clothes and curtains.

The most difficult thing is keeping the secret. I have to think ahead of my speaking, making sure I say the right thing and not anything that would let my secret out. I love when people say the think the baby is *insert boy/girl here* and they are wrong. Then I think I must be doing something right and not revealing anything. It is also hard, to refuse to tell the secret to friends who are incredibly talented in crafty endeavors and have offered to make you cute things. Of course they could make you cute things in neutral colors. It is hard to keep secrets.. that is why our five and six year olds don't know. You could ask our two year old. I've told him everything, down to the name we have picked out.

Two Months More

I think I can safely say that in two months I will be holding a newborn baby.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE newborns. They are so sweet, cute, cuddly. There is nothing like a newborn.

These last few months are packed full of events and vacations which makes preparing for the little one just a little bit harder. I think I could fly by the seat of my pants if I wasn't fully prepared when the little babe arrived. I have some newborn clothes around, a place for the little one to sleep, almost a full supply of diapers and diaper covers-what more do you need?

I want to make some baby bedding or at least buy the fabric for it. If I was really ambitious I would make the quilts I have been dying to make for the girls and N. But buying the fabric is absolutely something on my to-to list. I also need to buy some more newborn diaper covers, maybe a dozen more prefolds or some newborn AIO's. We need to get all of our bins of baby clothes from the in-laws' house and the Arm's Reach baby bed. We need to buy a new car seat because I'm sure ours is old enough to be expired. We need to order homeschooling curriculum before June 30. I do not think we will have time to paint but I at least wanted to get the ugly flower wallpaper out of the spare/baby/my/homeschooling room. We need to buy our birthing supply kit.

Two months is not a lot of time and it could be less than that.

Emotions lately have been extreme. I wish I was more mellow.

This big, huge belly makes it difficult for me to sleep. N cannot sit on my lap anymore which doesn't prevent him from trying then when he can't succeed he climbs on me. He really loves being close.

J feels the baby move often. He jumped about five feet the other night after a sharp kick hit his hand. It was funny. I don't find it funny that I get kicked like that all the time. Honestly, if the first 7 months of pregnancy felt like the last 3 I wouldn't have children. These are the months I forget about. I think they get harder and harder every time. Especially with the active children outside my womb that I have to chase on a daily basis.

I AM TIRED.

But in the end it is all worth it. Plus, this is my second to last one. I only plan on doing this once more. I can do this. Seriously though, next time I might check out those prenatal yoga classes. I think that would help my body feel better the last few months.

Well, 32 weeks, here we are.

Not what I was hoping for...

Have you ever had time just slip through your hands?

Have you ever really, really, wanted to get something done and just never got around to doing it?

Yeah, that's me and this week.

So I was suppose to take a super cute photo of my pregnant self last week. Do you remember me saying that I would?

Well.....yeah.... didn't really get around to doing that..... maybe we'll shot for next week???

But.. rest assured, I did get something....

This is M and me at a wedding this past weekend. Taken by five year old L.

Not to shabby, eh?

We are cute people so it makes up for any flaws.

So what's going on at 31 weeks...

other than utter exhaustion and the fact that for two days this past week it was around 100 degrees up here in the great state of Michigan and that we have zero air conditioning and two large fans?

things have been great

Actually, this is what gets me through those days and more importantly those nights..

I have a pregnant friend who lives in one of the Carolina's that is 32 weeks along with twins. With the heat they have there I cannot even imagine it. So that gets me through. If she can deal than I can. Also the fact that we are in Michigan and not Oklahoma where 90 degrees plus with humidity is an every day starting in early April or May into August and September thing, that seems like it never ends gets me through. I'm not there. I'm here. Check weather report. This is only going to last two days and then on the third day we barely reach 60.

OK.

I can handle this.

It's all about the positive, people.

Then I call my best friend who lives in the Oklahoma heat and she says

"At least there is air conditioning EVERYWHERE"

Thanks friend for pointing out reality. :-)

I like lying to myself and trying to stay positive so I don't

die

of

heat

So that's 31 weeks for you.

I had a day of minor pain. I think I stood up too fast from the sitting position twice. Once in the morning and once in the evening. Other than that I was fine. Baby is moving a lot. It's fun getting to know the personality. I'm getting anxious to meet this little one and add one more to our crazy bunch of children.

pains

Terrible pain this morning. I was sitting on the floor changing N and when I got up I must have pulled something. I couldn't stand or walk without horrible pain for about an hour. Thankfully it is gone now. Baby is fine, moving like normal.

Thirty Weeks

Thirty? THIRTY? I cannot believe I've reached this point.

Ten more weeks to go. Give or take. I'm leaning towards the take only because of that conference we have going on on my due date. I got a little snappy with J the other day when he said he was going to preach at a church two hours away from where we live on August 7. "What?" I yelled at him. "You know we can't plan anything after the end of July!" Then after he calmly said "Whoa, I'm sorry, I forgot" I realized how I must have sounded and apologized. Really, I shouldn't expect him to remember everything, like the exact dates that we need to burrow down at our house until the babe is born.

Thoughts this week are solely financial based. Not, "how am I going to afford this baby?" but rather "how am I going to afford everything else that is happening in my life right now?" I feel a little stressed about money which isn't normal because when we were in OK and J was in seminary I promised myself to never be stressed out about finances and I never was. But we aren't in Oklahoma anymore. I guess my mind needs to not be stressed about finances no matter where we are. I'll work on that.

I've realized that I need a new pregnancy photo. I'll work on getting that done this week.

I've also realized that I want a little more support during my labor and delivery. If it can be arranged. I also need a photographer since I can't take awesome photos of myself, even though I've done so in the past, it would be harder taking awesome photo of myself holding a beautiful baby after giving birth. So I'm going to ask around and see if anyone would be willing to come over and witness the miracle of a birth. Relatives are excluded. We are going to try to wait to inform them of the birth until after it happens. :-)

Here's to thirty!

One More to Thirty

I guess I write this in a tired/exhausted mood. I really don't know how I will make it another 11 weeks. I feel like I tire easily. Sleep is either good or bad. Heartburn is on and off. Baby likes to turn in a transverse position which is more than a little uncomfortable. I am sometimes a little more snappy with my children than I should be. Honestly this past week has been filled with the little thoughts of "How are you going to handle another one?" Today I was thinking "Yes, we produce beautiful children. But they sure are crazy." I try to love the craziness of this life and that is a big part of what keeps me sane at the same time wishing my children were a little more calm. Writing this makes me smile because honestly I do love their spunk and life would not be the same without it.

So 29 weeks definitely brings mixed emotions but I think that just comes with being pregnant.

Oh, and I found the perfect crib set! I am loving owls. Sorry, not going to say if it is blue or pink owls that I am loving. But its one of those colors and it's owls and I just wish that I could somehow afford it. But maybe I can afford to make my own? I'm going to look into that route. Because really if it comes down to a crib set or homeschooling curriculum I will need to go with the curriculum, even though the crib set is super cute!! Maybe I can sell my iPad?

28 Weeks- Beginning of Third Trimester

Wow, can I really be this far along? It does not seem possible. This pregnancy seems to be slipping by. It doesn't help that I've been busy with moving, packing and un-packing, organizing, all on top of the normal day to day activities. I think I say this every time I post but this baby seems to be moving more, or I can just feel the babe move more.

I bought more prenatal vitamins along with some magnesium supplements and omega 3 supplements that the midwives recommended. I usually take my vitamins at night, I have other medication that I take in the a.m., so I took them all tonight at the kids snack time with some blueberry yogurt. I would like to say that all the energy I have right now if because of them but maybe it's all in my mind.

I'm not sure we will be able to work on the babe's room before the little one arrives. Maybe I should just work on getting our room in order since he/she will most likely be sleeping in with us for the first year of life.

I have a feeling the next 12 weeks will go much faster than the past 28 weeks.

Randomness at 26 Weeks

So I guess I'm 26 weeks preggo + a handful of days. Needless to say with the craziness of the move I lost count. Or maybe I lost count because I've had how many children? and after the first or the second there is no need to count anymore. Baby will arrive(hopefully) sometime between July 24 and August 14. I am hoping for the first week in August. If we keep in line with our previous birth dates, all on weekends, two Fridays and one Saturday, my estimated date of arrival for this little peanut would be August 5. Now my Grandpa's birthday was August 4, so it would be nice to have the little one born on that date. I am positively wanting the babe to arrive before August 12, we have a conference that weekend that we are suppose to be at, J was volunteered to lead a bible study in the morning.. guess no one thought that I might be giving birth that day! Anyways, obviously I won't let him go if I am still knocked up. It's a couple hour drive from here to there and we are already hoping the midwives can make their one hour drive to our house. I've talked of the possibilities to Jake, what if they don't arrive on time and have eased his fears a little. But still, he really hopes he is not the baby catcher or if he is the baby catcher there are at least a couple of supporters there to help in the "just in case" moment.

Talking of the midwives, I emailed our new Michigan one a couple days ago and we set an appointment up right away. Drove out to her farm in the middle of nowhere Michigan and met with her and one of her apprentices. It was great. The children had toys to play with. Relaxing. The drive though really brought the reality of how far away we are back and he said he would pay for any speeding tickets they might acquire on the way to our birth. Now there are a lot of things to think about. Waterbirth. Birth in our bed. What do I want? Rent a tub, use our bathtub. I asked her about tearing and she said birthing on your side actually seems like the best is that is a concern. So there is a lot to think about and consider.

Movements. Still weird because of anterior placenta blocking me from feeling anything. I feel movements down almost right about my pelvic bone and around the edges of my belly. J has yet to feel a good kick, abnormal compared to our previous pregnancies.

L has started calling the baby the "surprise" baby. Right now we are having a conversation about what the baby is a boy or a girl. She wants me to tell her, "someone should know" "you can tell me" she says. She has determined the baby is a "girl" and can't be convinced otherwise. But because every time she says "she" when referring to the babe I say "what if it's a he?" She has started saying the "surprise" baby. I like that. Poor sisters, It is frustrating for them to not know.

Little N is going to be surprised for sure when he becomes an older brother and is kicked out of our bed. He falls asleep in his bed but always comes to ours in the middle of the night. It needs to be fixed soon before the babe arrives. We will work on that along with his potty training.

Did I say how well cloth diapers are going? They are going great. Can't wait to order some for the little babe.

Cloth Diapers

So, I was thinking about ways to save money. We will be moving back to MI in the next two weeks, I will be starting my new job again as a full-time stay-at-home mom, and honestly we are going to be poor. So, again, I was thinking of ways to save money and two things I have decided to do is #1 shop by using coupons and following sales trends and #2 start cloth diapering.
Have you ever had a sudden epiphany? Well you can kind of say that is what has happened to me.
For the past year or so we've used reusable shopping bags instead of the plastic bags they usually give you at grocery stores. Now, every time we shop without the reusable bags I cringe at the amount of plastic bags I walk out of the store with. Now that I've decided to use cloth diapers... I cannot wait until we can start. Little N has started the potty training process already. He peed on my floor at least 3 times today and removed his diaper every time he was wet. He sat on the toilet maybe 6 to 7 times. It has become frustrating because I feel like I can't encourage him. Just wait a few weeks little man, we will be moved and you can run around our new house naked for all I care! So... done with the rabbit trail.
Cloth diapering.
I've been on information overload for the past 3 days ever since I did the math and found out how much money it will save us. I've already made two orders and when we arrive at our new house in two weeks N will have 6 bumGenius 4.0 one size diapers waiting for him. I really, really, really, don't want to buy any more disposables. I might have enough to last us the next two weeks. Then when we arrive in MI, I'll be potty training N, so I'm thinking those cloth diapers might be enough.
Information overload.
I messaged a few cloth diapering friends on Facebook and received a lot of information about the different cloth diapering systems out there. The two that sound the easiest are the All-In-One(AIO) and Pocket Diapers. Most of them come in one size fits most so basically one diaper will be able to fit your babe from birth(depending on how big they are) to toddler hood. Sounds lovely. But with all of my previous children being under 7 lbs. at birth, I have then researched what diapers to use at the newborn stage. They have Pocket diapers and AIO's that fit babes that young but I cannot justify spending the money. I've decided to get at least 4 AIO, Pocket or Fitted diapers that I can use at night to make the night changes easier and possibly use during any outings that we head on during the first 2 weeks or so. Most of the One-Size diapers are suppose to start fitting around 8 lbs. So for the newborn stage I've decided to go old school with the Prefold diapers and diaper covers. It won't be a wasted investment. Newborn Prefolds can be used as inserts in the pocket diapers, burp clothes, or just saved for the next little one. You can use pins to pin them or a Snappi(which I'll be using). There are many different ways to fold a Prefold around your babe and then put a diaper cover or wrap on top of that and that's it! So what about the dirty diapers? I will absolutely be investing in something like this. They are a little expensive but I'm taking the leap. Laundering doesn't seem like it will be too difficult. I plan on line drying, outside as much as possible. Babe will be born in early August, that gives us a few more months in MI to use the clothes line outside. I'm so excited. I can't wait to start and my nesting instinct wants to be prepared as soon as possible. Like I've already said I have made two orders already. Kelly's Closet has a lot of deals that I can't seem to pass up. I've checked out Wee Bunz, Green Mountain Diapers and plan on buying a few things from each of them... as well as this site I found a positive review from a cloth diapering blog and the diapers are so cute and surprisingly affordable. So I've started on this journey and have decided that there is no turning back. I will make it work!

Your Best Birth

I picked up a book, Your Best Birth by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein, you might have watched A Business of Being Born, the documentary they did a few years ago. So far it's been a great read. One thing I found really interesting was a part about pain medication and discovered that with each of my births, my ideas of pain medication during birth has changed, somewhat dramatically. They cited another book by Penny Simkin called The Pain Medication Scale.
I'm not going to list everything here but the scale starts out with
+10 I want to be numb, to get anesthesia before labor begins(an impossible extreme)
to
0 I have no opinion or preference. I will wait and see(a rare attitude among pregnant women)
to
-10 I want no medication, even for a casarean delivery(an impossible extreme)
Of course with varying degrees in between.
When I was pregnant with my first I can honestly say I was at 0, I had no preference, if I made it without pain medication then good for me but if I felt like I couldn't I would get it. I was honestly very uneducated when it came to birthing, no research was done, I knew that I didn't want pain but never thought about searching for other ways to reduce pain other than the normal pain medications. Result= narcotics and epidural. Two hours into the induction I just could't stand the pain, of course I was just laying in bed and my loving husband was sleeping(he had just gotten off a night shift). So there was a feeling of lack of support and my loving nurse said "I can make all the pain go away". Who wouldn't cave in at that point? Overall I loved my birth, labor only lasted 10 hours, after the epidural I hardly felt anything, the only thing I would have changed was the coached pushing that lasted 2 1/2 hours. But at that time the pushing seemed normal, I had nothing to compare it to.
With my second pain scared me. I was scared that my labor would progress so fast that I wouldn't be able to receive my blessed epidural and would have to experience the pain I missed with my first. I had heard that second labors usually go faster than firsts and with my first only being 10 hours long..... Yes, I was scared. On the pain management scale I was a
+7 I want anesthesia as soon in labor as the doctor will allow or before labor becomes painful.
Sign me up! Was my model and I let those nurses know it. I got my way. Epidural, 7 hours of labor, 10 minutes of pushing, it was perfect.
With my third, epidurals were still in my game plan. They seemed to work for me. I was induced at 36 weeks because I had developed pre-eclampsia. Induction to birth was 12 hours. I went from 4 to 12 in one hour. Everything happened so fast that went I mentioned the idea of an epidural the nurse said "if I sit you up for the epidural your baby will pop right out" Maddened I thought, " then sit me up" I was told not to push, only because the doctors were not there. My baby was not handed to me right away, instead he was bundled up and rushed to the nursery because he wasn't holding his temperature. To this day I wonder why kangaroo care wasn't the first choice and blame myself for being knocked up on the narcotics given to me an hour before I gave birth for not having the state of mind to advocate for my child. His whole birth changed me in so many ways. I was first empowered. I can do it without an epidural! It's not necessary. Definately no more narcotics for me, I want to be in charge of my births, how can I do that when I can't think straight? The idea of no more pain medication led me to researching alternatives. Through home birthing mothers and documentaries I decided that now on the pain medication scale I am a
-9 I want medication to be denied by my support team and the staff, even if I beg for it
I first decided that if I ever gave birth in the hospital again I would need to fight for my rights. I would need some more support than just my husband, someone who would help me advocate when I was in pain. I wanted to be able to be free to move. Didn't the nurse tell me if I sat up my baby would pop right out? Yes, I wanted that. Through inspiring people and stories I've decided that a birth at home would be my best birth place and I am now looking forward to it. No drugs. Freedom of movement. A relaxing atmosphere. Sleeping in my own bed. The only thing I might miss is food being brought to me but I might be able to save so we can order out for the first couple days or convince my loving husband that he is responsible for it, he is already looking forward to changing the first diaper, he was always on diaper duty in the hospitals. Maybe I can change more diapers and he can bring me food in bed? We will see.

20 Weeks

Halfway there! Or... given my history of delivering before my due dates, we are more than halfway there! Yippee! A few of the things 20 weeks have brought:
The dreaded heartburn. I have not experienced a lot of heartburn but I started feeling some this past week and am now scared that it has begun.
Hiccups from the little one. Felt this for the first time this morning!
Increased Energy. Loving this!
Less to none morning sickness. Yay!
I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of this little one. Did I tell you I went clothes shopping a couple weeks ago for the little one? I have hidden the clothes in my closet. I cannot show the girls because they will leak the news. I might leak the news. I don't know how I will make it 20 more weeks. I am beginning to love the idea of just not knowing anything. I've actually wanted to do this but the hubby wanted to know, so we know.
I went clothes shopping for myself this week. I still need to add some shorts, capris and jeans to the list. I bought a couple dress shirts for work. I will be managing from here on out, no more serving for me!
Lots and Lots of exciting things. In a little over a month we will be moving into our house. The planned delivery spot for this child. I am super excited about that. I've been going over paint colors in my mind. The little one will be sleeping in our room with us for awhile, I might make a nursery out of one of the spared rooms but I plan on making it a shared spot for baby and me. It will be an escape for me/baby area. Maybe I can work on my craftiness while the little one naps! Who am I kidding! I'll be napping too!

Middle of the Week Update

The little baby is taking some time off of moving. Or I just can't feel baby move. We had a lot of activity the past couple weeks so feeling nothing is not making me feel great. This weekend I was worried. We heard baby's heartbeat on Friday then Saturday and Sunday I didn't feel anything! I tried to eat some fruit and sit still but that didn't seem to work. Finally yesterday I felt a little bit of fluttering. Whew! I think since I've been moving around a lot, with work and all, that I just don't feel the movements or baby is just resting! I remember from previous pregnancies that I would feel a lot of movement for a couple days and then nothing for a couple days. I try not to get worried or think much of it. But it's always in the back of my mind.

Also, I'm starting to get heartburn. I was thinking the other day about not having any yet and how nice that was and then suddenly yesterday before work it started. I had heartburn really bad with M. I ate Tums like nobody's business. I really, really don't want it! Please stay away heartburn!

*You cannot imagine how hard it is to say her/him when I'm talking about the baby*

19 Weeks

We had our second pre-natal visit with the midwives today. It is sooo very nice to go into an office.. if you can call it an office.. and not have to wait 5-30 minutes for a doctor to spend 5-10 minutes with you. We arrive and are immediately welcomed, no waiting. I pee in a cup with L by my side, she makes a comment "You have to pee in a cup again!"(she was with me the first visit too), "the soap looks like pee!"(it's yellow soap) and "do children have babies"(she has to pee and was probably wondering if she should pee in a cup). The children play in a room right next to us that has a whole load of toys or they play in the office with us, there are also toys in there. We hear the heartbeat after hearing kicks, placenta noises and cord noises(all explained to me by my wonderful midwife), talk about where my placenta is located and how that might affect where I feel movement(very interesting) and attempt to get blood drawn(I have very small veins that decided not to cooperate). It was a great, laid back, 45 minute appointment. Baby is healthy, heartbeat 150. I'm healthy, blood pressure 93/70.

Other than that, I am trying to eat healthier. I hardly ever eat fruits and vegetables and yes, I know I should. So in the attempt to ward off pre-eclampsia I have become more aware of what I consume and try my hardest to eat more fruits and veggies and less sugar, high sodium foods and fried substances. One thing that is different is my daily dose of coffee in the morning. I started drinking coffee after N was born(my third) but I have deleted the sugar I used to add to it pre-pregnancy. I have learned to like it that way.

Well, that is all for this week. One more week and I am half way there!

It's Clear To Me

Today was a big day in my life... I found out I was pregnant with...... * drum-roll please*.....a baby! Just kidding. I did find out the gender of the child that is living inside me but we have decided to keep it a secret. So you, along with the rest of the world, will have to wait until my "due" date to find out what I am "having".

On a more serious note. My roll as a mother has become more clear to me.

And that's all I've got to say!

Here's to life!

Here's to babies!

Here's to keeping secrets!

*and if I was not knocked up I would consume some wine

to celebrate this momentous occasion*

The Secret Announcement

I was trying to remember the exact day I found out I was pregnant and I then remembered that I had written a poem on my other blog, I called it HOPE. Go ahead and read it. Now I'm glad I wrote it because I had forgotten when I had taken the pregnancy test. :-)

*Sorry.... for some reason I can't get the link to show up.

Just hover over that empty space after "I called it" and it will show.

Technical difficulties.*

I Love Your Movement Baby

Wow! I knew I was feeling movement weeks ago but this does not compare.

When we went to our first midwife appointment two weeks ago I said I could feel some movement but I have always been one to have those phantom baby kicks. The feeling of getting kicked inside when you know for sure there is no baby in there. So I've dismissed them. I like the point where you can see the kicking from the outside and feel it or have someone else feel it from the outside. But when we heard the heartbeat for the first time you could also hear little kicks and since then I've been keeping mental track of them.

This baby is active. So far the normal has been movement on my top left side but today the movement has been on the bottom left side the top right side, the bottom right side and now it's back to the top left side. I don't know what this baby is doing but he/she is totally enjoying the roominess of my inside. You better not get used to it little one, it gets smaller everyday you are growing.

Today has been the most active day so far. I love your movement baby. :-)

In A Week We Will Know

On Friday, March 11th we will be having a ultrasound in Oklahoma, City. We plan on making an afternoon of it. The girls have tumbling class in the morning and J has Chapel, so we will leave after those are finished and head on Route 66 to Oklahoma City, maybe stopping at POPS for some food. I need to drink 24oz of water.. oh how I've missed doing that.

I am thinking that after this appointment we will officially tell our families that there is another babe on the way. Then maybe we will try to keep the gender a secret until his/her birthday. We are taking both girls with us and little N too. M, has already proven that she can not possibly keep secrets. My plan is to tell whoever is giving us the ultrasound to write down what the sex of the baby is for J and I to look at. That way we know, but they don't. How does that sound?

I think it's a great idea. I can hardly wait.

Then on March 18 we have our second midwife appointment.

The things we have to look forward to.

Until then I will keep you posted on any other baby happenings in my life

The One Before This One

I became pregnant early last August. I took a home pregnancy test right when I thought my period should start. We were trying to get pregnant, we had talked and planned and decided that it would be sweet to have two children born in Oklahoma instead of just one. We knew that it would be difficult having a baby right when we should be moving back to Michigan but difficult is that name of our game- when has life not been difficult? So we tried and like always succeeded in becoming pregnant. The line telling me I was pregnant was very faint and looking back it never felt right. All of the pregnancy tests I have always took have been obviously positive. It just seemed weird that it wasn't real obvious. I had symptoms of pregnancy, nausea, a sudden disorientation at work-why was I able to successfully work 7 tables yesterday and now seem overwhelmed, before I was able to work a complete closing shift without thinking about food and suddenly I was needing something to eat otherwise I would feel like passing out! We were happy. We told family, friends, announced it on Facebook. And then October 3 I woke up in the morning and there was some faint blood. I freaked and called a friend who recently had lost a twin about 13 weeks into her pregnancy. Maybe the blood would stop? Maybe I am just losing a twin? But it kept on getting worse. I was having cramps. I was 7 or 8 weeks. It was really early in my pregnancy and I knew there was nothing that could be done. So I zoned out. I tried my best to escape from the reality of it. I was scheduled to go to work that night and like normal, although uncontrollably crying during all of it, I got ready and went. Of course they knew something was up and I should have just told them and went right home. But I tried unsuccessfully to make it through the shift. Finally, someone volunteered to close for me and I went home.

It was fair time and the only day we were able to go to the fair was Monday. Early Monday I drove to the walk-in clinic but it was packed full and honestly I didn't want to sit for hours for them to tell me that I was losing or had lost my baby. Really I was still in denial even though I had passed a large clot that morning that I felt like was the tiny little baby. So I didn't go to the clinic. Instead we went to the fair and by the time we left the fair the clinic had closed for the day.

Tuesday morning I went to the clinic. They took a blood test, did a cervical exam and tried to find something on a ultrasound(they have really crappy machines there). Their diagnoses was not good but exactly what I expected. Now they wanted to wait for the blood tests to see if my HcG levels were where they were suppose to be or less than what they should be at 7 or 8 weeks. After a few days of no calls we had some help from a friend to get the tests results and they were not favorable. The levels were not where they should be for how far along I was. I had lost the baby.

I can not convey to you how I felt. You would only know if you have had a miscarriage or lost a child. It was hard to get though the day. Homeschooling slowed or stopped and has never fully recovered from it. I felt such a lost and tried to unjusitfy it because of how early the pregnancy was. But this child was loved, prayed for, planned and the lost was felt by every member of the family.

Our family planning was temporarily stalled. We didn't talk about trying for another but didn't talk about not trying either. Finally one day I asked if we were still on and the answer was yes. Beginning of December I found out we were pregnant again- this time the test was a normal obviously positive. I felt good about that. We decided to take the announcing slow this time. I wanted to get through the first trimester before telling a bunch of family and friends. Of course I told my best friend and J let it leak a little too. Before long the girls were asking. L, sitting on my lap during church, poked my belly and said "Is there a baby in there?" We have yet to announce it to our extended families although M has told MIL on the phone. But she told her that it was a secret and is convinced that she won't tell anyone and will just forget about it in a couple days. Right.

In my mind this child will always be number 5 although called number 4.

I still think about number 4, the one we lost, and always will.

Creating More Clarity

This is the big announcement: I am 17 weeks pregnant!

Possible due date: August 12

Planned birth location: at our home in Big Rapids, MI

We are doing things a little bit differently this time because of some past events that have occurred. So, slowly we telling the world our wonderful news. No Facebook posts as of yet. No phone calls to our families. Some friends who live around us know and my managers at work know as well as some fellow employees. So if you are family and reading this, please, it is nothing personal. We are just keeping it low key. After this secret gets out the next might be the gender of the baby. I've recently become very fond of secrets and secret keeping.

Reason for the name of the blog.

You might be aware of my other blog: Finding Clarity in Chaos

So Creating More Clarity is about just that, creating more clarity. A child that brings more clarity to my life. See, my children may, by their actions create some chaos but they also are the ones in the midst of the chaos, do or say something so incredibly cute or insightful that brings me back to my purpose. That is why I believe that having more children creates more clarity in my life. They are what I live for. They are my purpose in life. Growing up there was one thing I always wanted to do and always wanted to be and that was a mother with lots of children. I dreamed of having a dozen of them.

I am on my way.

Now I think a half dozen may be more reasonably.....maybe one less than a half dozen. Right now I am pregnant with number 4.

This is my journey and I invite you to join me in it.