20 Weeks

Halfway there! Or... given my history of delivering before my due dates, we are more than halfway there! Yippee! A few of the things 20 weeks have brought:
The dreaded heartburn. I have not experienced a lot of heartburn but I started feeling some this past week and am now scared that it has begun.
Hiccups from the little one. Felt this for the first time this morning!
Increased Energy. Loving this!
Less to none morning sickness. Yay!
I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of this little one. Did I tell you I went clothes shopping a couple weeks ago for the little one? I have hidden the clothes in my closet. I cannot show the girls because they will leak the news. I might leak the news. I don't know how I will make it 20 more weeks. I am beginning to love the idea of just not knowing anything. I've actually wanted to do this but the hubby wanted to know, so we know.
I went clothes shopping for myself this week. I still need to add some shorts, capris and jeans to the list. I bought a couple dress shirts for work. I will be managing from here on out, no more serving for me!
Lots and Lots of exciting things. In a little over a month we will be moving into our house. The planned delivery spot for this child. I am super excited about that. I've been going over paint colors in my mind. The little one will be sleeping in our room with us for awhile, I might make a nursery out of one of the spared rooms but I plan on making it a shared spot for baby and me. It will be an escape for me/baby area. Maybe I can work on my craftiness while the little one naps! Who am I kidding! I'll be napping too!

Middle of the Week Update

The little baby is taking some time off of moving. Or I just can't feel baby move. We had a lot of activity the past couple weeks so feeling nothing is not making me feel great. This weekend I was worried. We heard baby's heartbeat on Friday then Saturday and Sunday I didn't feel anything! I tried to eat some fruit and sit still but that didn't seem to work. Finally yesterday I felt a little bit of fluttering. Whew! I think since I've been moving around a lot, with work and all, that I just don't feel the movements or baby is just resting! I remember from previous pregnancies that I would feel a lot of movement for a couple days and then nothing for a couple days. I try not to get worried or think much of it. But it's always in the back of my mind.

Also, I'm starting to get heartburn. I was thinking the other day about not having any yet and how nice that was and then suddenly yesterday before work it started. I had heartburn really bad with M. I ate Tums like nobody's business. I really, really don't want it! Please stay away heartburn!

*You cannot imagine how hard it is to say her/him when I'm talking about the baby*

19 Weeks

We had our second pre-natal visit with the midwives today. It is sooo very nice to go into an office.. if you can call it an office.. and not have to wait 5-30 minutes for a doctor to spend 5-10 minutes with you. We arrive and are immediately welcomed, no waiting. I pee in a cup with L by my side, she makes a comment "You have to pee in a cup again!"(she was with me the first visit too), "the soap looks like pee!"(it's yellow soap) and "do children have babies"(she has to pee and was probably wondering if she should pee in a cup). The children play in a room right next to us that has a whole load of toys or they play in the office with us, there are also toys in there. We hear the heartbeat after hearing kicks, placenta noises and cord noises(all explained to me by my wonderful midwife), talk about where my placenta is located and how that might affect where I feel movement(very interesting) and attempt to get blood drawn(I have very small veins that decided not to cooperate). It was a great, laid back, 45 minute appointment. Baby is healthy, heartbeat 150. I'm healthy, blood pressure 93/70.

Other than that, I am trying to eat healthier. I hardly ever eat fruits and vegetables and yes, I know I should. So in the attempt to ward off pre-eclampsia I have become more aware of what I consume and try my hardest to eat more fruits and veggies and less sugar, high sodium foods and fried substances. One thing that is different is my daily dose of coffee in the morning. I started drinking coffee after N was born(my third) but I have deleted the sugar I used to add to it pre-pregnancy. I have learned to like it that way.

Well, that is all for this week. One more week and I am half way there!

It's Clear To Me

Today was a big day in my life... I found out I was pregnant with...... * drum-roll please*.....a baby! Just kidding. I did find out the gender of the child that is living inside me but we have decided to keep it a secret. So you, along with the rest of the world, will have to wait until my "due" date to find out what I am "having".

On a more serious note. My roll as a mother has become more clear to me.

And that's all I've got to say!

Here's to life!

Here's to babies!

Here's to keeping secrets!

*and if I was not knocked up I would consume some wine

to celebrate this momentous occasion*

The Secret Announcement

I was trying to remember the exact day I found out I was pregnant and I then remembered that I had written a poem on my other blog, I called it HOPE. Go ahead and read it. Now I'm glad I wrote it because I had forgotten when I had taken the pregnancy test. :-)

*Sorry.... for some reason I can't get the link to show up.

Just hover over that empty space after "I called it" and it will show.

Technical difficulties.*

I Love Your Movement Baby

Wow! I knew I was feeling movement weeks ago but this does not compare.

When we went to our first midwife appointment two weeks ago I said I could feel some movement but I have always been one to have those phantom baby kicks. The feeling of getting kicked inside when you know for sure there is no baby in there. So I've dismissed them. I like the point where you can see the kicking from the outside and feel it or have someone else feel it from the outside. But when we heard the heartbeat for the first time you could also hear little kicks and since then I've been keeping mental track of them.

This baby is active. So far the normal has been movement on my top left side but today the movement has been on the bottom left side the top right side, the bottom right side and now it's back to the top left side. I don't know what this baby is doing but he/she is totally enjoying the roominess of my inside. You better not get used to it little one, it gets smaller everyday you are growing.

Today has been the most active day so far. I love your movement baby. :-)

In A Week We Will Know

On Friday, March 11th we will be having a ultrasound in Oklahoma, City. We plan on making an afternoon of it. The girls have tumbling class in the morning and J has Chapel, so we will leave after those are finished and head on Route 66 to Oklahoma City, maybe stopping at POPS for some food. I need to drink 24oz of water.. oh how I've missed doing that.

I am thinking that after this appointment we will officially tell our families that there is another babe on the way. Then maybe we will try to keep the gender a secret until his/her birthday. We are taking both girls with us and little N too. M, has already proven that she can not possibly keep secrets. My plan is to tell whoever is giving us the ultrasound to write down what the sex of the baby is for J and I to look at. That way we know, but they don't. How does that sound?

I think it's a great idea. I can hardly wait.

Then on March 18 we have our second midwife appointment.

The things we have to look forward to.

Until then I will keep you posted on any other baby happenings in my life

The One Before This One

I became pregnant early last August. I took a home pregnancy test right when I thought my period should start. We were trying to get pregnant, we had talked and planned and decided that it would be sweet to have two children born in Oklahoma instead of just one. We knew that it would be difficult having a baby right when we should be moving back to Michigan but difficult is that name of our game- when has life not been difficult? So we tried and like always succeeded in becoming pregnant. The line telling me I was pregnant was very faint and looking back it never felt right. All of the pregnancy tests I have always took have been obviously positive. It just seemed weird that it wasn't real obvious. I had symptoms of pregnancy, nausea, a sudden disorientation at work-why was I able to successfully work 7 tables yesterday and now seem overwhelmed, before I was able to work a complete closing shift without thinking about food and suddenly I was needing something to eat otherwise I would feel like passing out! We were happy. We told family, friends, announced it on Facebook. And then October 3 I woke up in the morning and there was some faint blood. I freaked and called a friend who recently had lost a twin about 13 weeks into her pregnancy. Maybe the blood would stop? Maybe I am just losing a twin? But it kept on getting worse. I was having cramps. I was 7 or 8 weeks. It was really early in my pregnancy and I knew there was nothing that could be done. So I zoned out. I tried my best to escape from the reality of it. I was scheduled to go to work that night and like normal, although uncontrollably crying during all of it, I got ready and went. Of course they knew something was up and I should have just told them and went right home. But I tried unsuccessfully to make it through the shift. Finally, someone volunteered to close for me and I went home.

It was fair time and the only day we were able to go to the fair was Monday. Early Monday I drove to the walk-in clinic but it was packed full and honestly I didn't want to sit for hours for them to tell me that I was losing or had lost my baby. Really I was still in denial even though I had passed a large clot that morning that I felt like was the tiny little baby. So I didn't go to the clinic. Instead we went to the fair and by the time we left the fair the clinic had closed for the day.

Tuesday morning I went to the clinic. They took a blood test, did a cervical exam and tried to find something on a ultrasound(they have really crappy machines there). Their diagnoses was not good but exactly what I expected. Now they wanted to wait for the blood tests to see if my HcG levels were where they were suppose to be or less than what they should be at 7 or 8 weeks. After a few days of no calls we had some help from a friend to get the tests results and they were not favorable. The levels were not where they should be for how far along I was. I had lost the baby.

I can not convey to you how I felt. You would only know if you have had a miscarriage or lost a child. It was hard to get though the day. Homeschooling slowed or stopped and has never fully recovered from it. I felt such a lost and tried to unjusitfy it because of how early the pregnancy was. But this child was loved, prayed for, planned and the lost was felt by every member of the family.

Our family planning was temporarily stalled. We didn't talk about trying for another but didn't talk about not trying either. Finally one day I asked if we were still on and the answer was yes. Beginning of December I found out we were pregnant again- this time the test was a normal obviously positive. I felt good about that. We decided to take the announcing slow this time. I wanted to get through the first trimester before telling a bunch of family and friends. Of course I told my best friend and J let it leak a little too. Before long the girls were asking. L, sitting on my lap during church, poked my belly and said "Is there a baby in there?" We have yet to announce it to our extended families although M has told MIL on the phone. But she told her that it was a secret and is convinced that she won't tell anyone and will just forget about it in a couple days. Right.

In my mind this child will always be number 5 although called number 4.

I still think about number 4, the one we lost, and always will.

Creating More Clarity

This is the big announcement: I am 17 weeks pregnant!

Possible due date: August 12

Planned birth location: at our home in Big Rapids, MI

We are doing things a little bit differently this time because of some past events that have occurred. So, slowly we telling the world our wonderful news. No Facebook posts as of yet. No phone calls to our families. Some friends who live around us know and my managers at work know as well as some fellow employees. So if you are family and reading this, please, it is nothing personal. We are just keeping it low key. After this secret gets out the next might be the gender of the baby. I've recently become very fond of secrets and secret keeping.

Reason for the name of the blog.

You might be aware of my other blog: Finding Clarity in Chaos

So Creating More Clarity is about just that, creating more clarity. A child that brings more clarity to my life. See, my children may, by their actions create some chaos but they also are the ones in the midst of the chaos, do or say something so incredibly cute or insightful that brings me back to my purpose. That is why I believe that having more children creates more clarity in my life. They are what I live for. They are my purpose in life. Growing up there was one thing I always wanted to do and always wanted to be and that was a mother with lots of children. I dreamed of having a dozen of them.

I am on my way.

Now I think a half dozen may be more reasonably.....maybe one less than a half dozen. Right now I am pregnant with number 4.

This is my journey and I invite you to join me in it.